ABCD [American Born Confused Desi’s]; a common name given to the generation who were born and raised in the west but had a Desi (Pakistani, Indian or Bangladeshi) origin. But the generation that I belong to, face a very similar problem but for completely opposite reasons.
Say hello to the Desi Born Confused Americans (DBCA) and wanna-bee’s 
We opened our eyes in Zia’s conservative era with PTV and STN (local channels) as our only exposure to the world but as we grew old the American culture entered our lives through VCR, Satellite, Cable TV and Internet.
But first I want to give you the clear picture of the background where we opened our eyes. Our society like any other dysfunctional is divided into 3 classes. Upper, Middle and Lower class, these classes can further be divided into upper middle class and lower middle class. The criteria which decides our class in the society is a five letter word; “MONEY”. How freaking obvious eh?
So in a nut shell my generation was born and raised by educated but conservative parents. Our folks (parents) spent a good amount of their earnings on our education. The system of education was mostly American. Many of us enjoyed co education, so for us the concept of a guy and girl being friendly was not alien at all.
Now despite the fact that we Muslims claim to believe in equality, we are also proud of our ill logical association with the cast, school of thought, class we belong to. We are Sunni, Shia, Punjabi, Urdu Speaking, Balochi, Pathaan and Sindhi. But yes we hate Israelis because they are dividing the Muslims
A tourist was flying over
“Who Lives on this land?”
He replied, “This piece of land is called
The poor tourist inquired of his curiosity; ‘So where do the Pakistani’s live?’
So what actually happened when we hit puberty is quite interesting; we got interested in the opposite gender. Yes we got hold of the usual romantic films, where the couples had no problem expressing their love (or what they call it these days). And unlike PG-13 movies real couples do involve in actions which is quite normal for the loved birds but absolutely blasphemous for this society.
But as I have mentioned before we are a class based society. So each class faced different problems.
The Upper Class:
Coming straight from any
Their Confusion:
Why these cheap bastards’ are staring me, I am only wearing a see through dress on my sons Parents Teacher meeting?
I am into men, No wait I am into women… no wait, I am into …
Why do you find the concept of swapping complicated?
The Middle Class:
Most of them want to get married to their loved ones but thanks to the parents that have’ what our community will say if you will marry a Punjabi/ Sindhi/ Mahajir?’ mentality halts them to marry the person they thought they love and hence they are obligated to marry a complete stranger. Some guys have to take care of their families so they can’t marry the girl of their dreams. Sadly many of them end up hating their parents and their non sense principles.
This class has the majority of the so called ‘wanna be’s’. They want to be appearing like the upper class. So they spend day in day out to talk, walk , eat, smell like them.
Their Confusion:
Did my wife have an extra marital affair in her college or university days like me?
How can I earn more black money to get my children an upper class life style?
Is my teenage daughter having an affair? Or is my son on drugs?
The Lower Class:
Ever wondered what a guy with no education and no hope for a better future does? He either gets enrolled in a criminal gang or in a religiously fanatic organization. These gangs have a political mask/cover so the youth have no choice but to kill people, snatch mobiles, and become a drug junky.
We have witnessed a new generation of religious youth. Who are brains washed by the Mullahs who safeguard the future of their children by sending these idiots to heaven. So the fact that poverty breeds terrorism is not an alien concept in the third world country.
Their Confusion:
This world is unreal; shall I sacrifice my life as Maulana Sahib tells me to?
I have to feed my poor family; do I have a choice of not selling my body to buy the very food we are deprived of?
Is it my fault that I opened my eyes in this God forsaken class?
Conclusion:
Once again I bluntly pointed out the loop holes in our society without providing the solution. Yes I am pessimistic about the future this society holds. I can see divorces, people ignoring the reasonable approach and drifting towards poles (East and West). But this had to happen; after all we all were forced to watch the American dream in a Pakistani society.
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Comments
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True that bro..
‘Why these cheap bastards’ are staring me, I a…’
Good one
We’re loosing it all…
I agree with the above generalizations but dont forget, there are exceptions.
Our society is still mentally enslaved by the british rule over our land. We got the freedom but the imperialism still persists. It’s seeped into the social blood. Slavery is passed down to generations just like religion, culture and social norms.
In our society everybody, irrespective of any class, wants to be a ‘gora’… there is certain degree of ‘fascination’ with them which can be observed at a general level.
[…] Desi Born Confused Americans (DBCA) […]
These contradictions have always existed in our societies and always will(I don’t find much difference between Indian and Pakistani societies).Ammar you are expecting everything to be white or black.Remember grey areas are the most prominent ones.
//I can see divorces, people ignoring the reasonable approach and drifting towards poles (East and West). But this had to happen; after all we all were forced to watch the American dream in a Pakistani society//The reality is that earlier divorces mostly occurred due to the whims and fancies of the man.Now with more and more women becoming economically independent they are asserting themselves and some divorces are happening due to that.Families are suffering,kids are facing difficulties but gradually men are realising and if not realising now they will realise.The situation of women will change for better.As far as the mullahs are concerned with the exposure of general public to the internet and satellite television they can’t rule for long.
//American dream in a Pakistani society//cannot be all wrong or impossible to attain.Taking the positives from the Americans cannot be bad.If they are ruling the world there has to be something good in them.If we can retain the right and leave the bad influence it is a win win situation.
I am gonna agree with prerna here by what she says. More and more women are getting “self-established” and less dependent on men.
The traditional approach and belief is being shattered that woman needs a man to “survive” in the society or to bring her bread. Women empowerment as they call it.
Men are realizing that they are losing “control” over their women why because they quite frankly dont need men anymore. Woman these days that take care of herself. They don’t have to listen to every bull-crap that their men wants them to follow.
We, men, like power and control. Seeing women getting “equal” in that regard is one of the major factors of divorces in our society and there are more to come as women advances further in education and career.
And I personally believe there’s nothing wrong with a woman advancing in all aspects of life; education, career etc. most of the mullahs in our coutnry have a different belief system though.
@asim
But women empowerment is not the only reason that the divorce will grow. Both men and women have to bare each others bull crap, thats the part and parcel of every married life.
The difference that I am pointing out is that now both men and women want to explore different choices in their lives. They don’t give a shit of what effect their actions can cause to their surroundings. And this is the resultant of the extra pressure their parents have put on their shoulders through out.
@Prerna
Expecting everything in back and white would not be realistic. But the only thing that bothers me is the fact that in the name of a better and much more stable future we are engineering a cultural downfall.
@dehog and Ersalan
thanx for you comments.
soo very very true….
It’s same about Iranians who were born in the west. But most of them are like first foto. And they’re generally very open and westernised and dont have Iranian culture. Just that part of Nowruz etc.. Not more..
Ammar, Very nicely written! and I have to agree that it is close to reality. We definitely are class based society that originates from social injustice and hypocrisy. When social justice prevails in a society , that society flourishes itself.
As for American wannabes, they only adopt things that are a small bi product of 232 years of American dream.. .dream of freedom and equal opportunity for all…
This fake section of society was always there and will be there. Sooner or later they will fade away as always happens with the copy cats. Originality always endures.
Pakistan needs a good leader..a leader with vision and sincerity…and I hope someone will come in the front…just as Bhutto appeared when there were all mediocre property managers ruling the country.
As for divorce thing…it is part of our evolution process…many of us ( men and women) may not have evolved with the changing dynamics of day to day life. In general, we are a generation of SMS , we don’t have time to invest in the most important thing in our life. We consider relationships as one of our gadgets (some value gadgets more )..and prefer to change the components rather than investing energy to fix it. The basics of a relationship will always rotate around the same principles…Sincerity, care, respect and honesty…even if we start living on Jupiter.
And….for being a pessimist…someone has said ” you never know enough to be a pessimist” 
well written yasir but the fact is western media is not completey responsible for this disaster ppl shd live within thr means actually thy r runnin behind the fancies of lives whch r unattainable so this kinna attitide is emerging in our generation things r not gonna chang but get worst thnks to our media but not all the problems u hv mention occure due to media like gettin divorce n all its an individuals wish media has not froced any1 to get divorce its total crap n middle class have not altered thr thoughts du to media as before also thy frobade thr children not to marry out of caste n still thy r forebidding so media is not responsible for all this… wat do u think
Zaberdast!!
Shandaar post from you R O N I N!!
And the question of their identity remains…
@Maria
welcome to ronin!
@Shahrzad
We need someone like Khomeini as well, sigh!
@zia
I agree “you never know enough to be a pessimist”
@becca
Im not blaming the west at all, im blaming myself for following them.
@lubna
Al-shukran!
@Asma
the question of their identity remains vague!
I guess the gist of your absolutely amazing article lies in this one word ‘Confused’…and i guess the reason being that we want to be accepted world over yet somehow not break away from our roots either…
Things that are part of ‘fitrat’ do not change but the glitter of all the ‘freedom’, of being ‘cool’, of being ‘modernized’ of having accumulated a horde of information on ‘MY Rights’ is much too shiny for us to remember that with each power comes with an added responsibility (right said Peter Parker’s Uncle )….
YEah i think lost in this myth/meme of finding ‘me’ the thing which we have forgotten is that there is NEVER just an ‘I’ and ‘Me’ there is ALWAYS a ‘WE’…the day we realize this we might come out of this onfusion…i hope
keep up the good work dada
@Zaeem
thnx dada!
@R.Sameem
Thank you for wonderful comment and I completely agree with you!
nice write up, really harsh but true, majority of it anyway.
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Ronin
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