Claimer: Another old post and one of my favorite Iftar tales. True story btw

I looked at the watch and it showed that there was another hour and a half left in the Iftari. It was my schools friend engagement cum Iftar party and I was sitting in her TV lounge along with some old friends. I needed anything to keep my mind off the food and who else can help me then my good old pal the Television

 

It was Alim Online that was on GEO TV, some people believe that it’s a religious program but I differ. As customary the host Amir Liaqat was wearing some visible make up on his face along with his usual apparel which he claims is Shalwar Qameez.

 

aMmAr: Is that a see through qameez(shirt) this sham is wearing?

 

Fahad: Heh. Yeah!

 

aMmAr: Horrible dress mate with all the golden flowers on the qameez. Even some one like Reema (Pakistani actress) won’t wear something this awful.

 

Fahad: Heh. Yeah!

 

aMmAr: what is that black thing inside that qameez?

 

Danish: Looks like a men’s bra to me. Lolz

 

Fahad: ROFL! Yeah!

 

Zubair: Bra or Bro. Lolz :D

 

aMmAr: Ok enough! Roza hai yar (we are fasting guys). Change the channel, in fact give me that thing (remote control).

 

I started surfing through the channels. Switching from one Pakistani channel to another, every channel was screening some damn cooking show. I tapped my wrist watch twice but the time was not speeding up at all. Another hour to go and I was starving to death.

 

aMmAr: can we watch some music channel.

 

Danish: No! whats wrong with the cooking shows.

 

aMmAr: I want to take my mind off the food.

 

Zubair: Can’t you control your self?

 

aMmAr: Hmmm.. No

 

Where ever I stopped the channel was showing some stupid reality show.I just hate these shows.Then I switched to a sports channel which was showing some twenty20 cricket match.

aMmAr: Guys, I wonder if these spectators are there to watch the cheerleaders dancing  or the match itself.

 

Fahad: Depends, if the spectators are Pakistanis then surely they are not their for the match.

 

After an hour of mindless tele watchingit was the time we all were waiitng for;Iftaaaaaari time.

 

So the siren went on and after reciting the prayer everyone started eating and drinking the delicious items on the menu. Except me ofcourse.

 

Sweet Aunty: Beta eat something

 

aMmAr: Yes aunty I will don’t worry.

 

Sweet Aunty: you aren’t even touching the food items. You aren’t shy or anything or are you?

 

aMmAr: Shy!? No way I am just waiting…

 

Sweet Aunty: waiting? For what?

 

By now I noticed most of the guests were wondering the same; why wasn’t I eating food like the rest. I decided to come out of the closet and tell them what they might not enjoy listening.

 

aMmAr: Aunty I am Ahl e Tashee aka Shia. It’s not my time yet I have to wait another10 mins or more.

 

As soon as I completed my sentence the whole hall was wrapped into a pin drop silence. Some open jaws were lying over the floor. To be exact every one was looking at me. For those who missed the big news were asking others and making weird noises after learning about the new revelation.

 

Sweet Aunty: No problem beta, but don’t you forget to eat okay.

 

aMmAr: sure thing aunty

 

I find the whole incident quite funny when I think about it. I don’t know if anyone will find this incident equally interesting but those who can relate to me will and have a bunch of their own interesting iftaar tales to tell.

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[Message to the readers: I was feeling a bit down so I decided to re-post one of my favorite write ups. Its quite cheesy and make little or no sense. Cant belive I used to write this shit. Having said that I want my readers to read this story. I know its a bit lengthy but i assure you that it gets exciting and funny.

 

 

Disclaimer: All the characters, names and situations are fictitious and any similarity would be purely coincidental. Have a nice day ]

 

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The story starts in a class room of a university……

 

 

‘Are we done for the day?’ my first aggravated question of the day.

‘Is it time?’ responded my engineering management teacher.

‘Of course it is. In fact you took the 10 minutes break we have for the next class’

‘What?’ inquired Uzair with what the f*** did you just said expression.

 

[Uzair, a good friend of mine; looks like a boxer but plays awesome cricket. He also happens to be our CR]

 

‘Wasn’t I talking to myself?’ I asked him a confused question.

‘Yes you were and by using your vocal chords as an amplifer !’ replied Shabz

[ Shabz aka Shahbaz, another friend who likes to answer every question not directed to him]

‘You are lucky that he is on the cell.’ Uzair informed me of my apparent good luck

 

 

Me: ‘Who would like to talk to him on the cell?’

Shabz: ‘Most probably; his wife’

Uzair: ‘Poor lady :P’

Me: ‘So what’s the plan for the day?’

Shabz: ‘Same ol’ boring broadband class : P what else?!’

Uzair the CR: ‘Well my boys this is your lucky day as apparently its raining in the rest part of the city and the teacher wont be able to make it for the day.’

Me: ‘Bloody traffic jam’, I responded with an exciting grin on my face. Its my way saying one thing and meaning completely apposite.

Shabz: ‘Thank you Mr. CR : P ’

Me: ‘Jam Jam Pakistan.’

 

 

[‘dil dil Pakistan Jan Jan Pakistan’ is an all time hit pop song and not to forget patriotic from an old band Vital Signs. My version is called Jam Jam Pakistan]

When I got out of the class I couldn’t believe what my eyes were looking at. The weather surprisingly turned out to be quite pleasant. The sky was covered with dark rainy clouds and the cold breeze was turning my romantic side on for good. I was singing James Brown’s ‘I feel good …’

Shabz: ‘Coffee time!’

Me: ‘No thanks; you guys have some ill catch up with you folks later.’ 

 

I was climbing the steps that lead to the roof of my departments building, and then I saw Zara sitting on a bench pretending to study.

[She’s a junior, a nice friend. Popular among guys cuz of her looks and have a boyfriend Kareem. Kareem is a fat irritating guy and the only one of the few guys who proudly wear a moustache in our University. Not to forget he is very uncomfortable for some unknown reasons when I am around Zara. I just luvvv taking advantage of the situation and stick around for more to make him feel that way.]

Me: Hi there, wasap?!

Zara: ‘Hello aMmAr’, she smiled =)

Me: ‘Where is your bodyguard?’ I looked around after completing my sentence.

Zara: ‘Heh, shut up he is not my body guard.’ She replied in a very pleasant manner.

Me: ‘Nah of course he’s not in fact he is a very sweet guy: P’ I mocked him behind his back. I enjoy doing that.

Zara: ‘Any doubts?’ she inquired with a smile.

Me: ‘No its just his bodyguard appearance and the thick mustache that he inherited from his grand father who inherited from his great great grand father…and above all that Mona Lisa smile on that mustache ’, I mocked his weird smile.

Zara: ‘ Shut it Ammar.’ She protested on my tease.

‘What a wonderful day and look at us stuck here in this part of the world that really sucks.’ I continued.

Zara: ‘So you guys should go out and have some fun.’

Me: ‘Guys? Zara that’s the gayest idea you have ever given to me.’ I replied with a cynical face.

‘Look at the sky it’s so romantic out here and you are suggesting me to hang out with guys.’ I went on with my tale.

Zara: ‘Okay okay so go out and enjoy with your girl friend.’

Me: ‘Girl friend hmmm not a bad idea but there is lil problem, it’s just I that want to have fun and secondly she died few days ago.’

Zara: ‘What? How come?’, she was completely shocked and was looking at me with her disbelieving eyes.

‘I dunno,  somebody pushed her in front of the bus.’ I replied with a straight face.

Zara: ‘What?’, she asked and was about to gag on this one.

Me: ‘Haha… kidding. She’s out of town.’

Zara: ‘Okay’, a relieved reply from her

Me: ‘Adios’, I departed

I took full advantage of the non sunny day and played some exciting football. Too bad I missed some chances to goal but what the hell we Pakistani suck at this sport anyway, we are mostly good at not being good at anything and that includes football. I was feeling thirsty and therefore decided to get a drink. On the cafeteria door step a bunch of bullies were standing in a circle and in the middle some guy who appeared to be their comic relief was narrating some funny experience. They were lauging their heart out on that one. That guy was none other than faggy.

[Faggy, who is formally known as Fareed Faizan Khan aka Fraddy. But I preferre calling him Fag-gie the fag lord. He is straight alright but I love picking on him. Some thing he despise a lot. Faggies ancestors came from Peshawar to Karachi 10 years ago and run a big transportation business.]

 

 

Me: Faggy ma boy?

Faggie: ‘Dude! Don’t call me that please and especially not in front my gang.’

[Faggie is considered to be the know it all kind of a guy and very much respected in his gang for some surprizing reason, as they say in urdu; andho mai kaana raja.]

Me: ‘So why are these guys surrounding you. You are not showing your special belly dance to them or are you ?’

Faggie: ‘Ammar yaar plzzz ;(…’ , he looked at me with pleading eyes.

Me:’Okay okay today is your lucky day so I am leaving you this time. BTW  have you seen shabz?’

 

Faggie: ‘Yeah I saw him going to the library.’

Me in a mocking manner: ‘Oaye hoay!. Faggy stop being such fag-tard and quit stocking guys. Haha’ All of his gang joined me laughing at him. Every one except Faggie had a great laugh for five minutes or so on this one. On my way to the library I met Sania. [The cute nerdy girl who gets straight A’s in the class a good friend as well. She’s all intelligent but confused and I enjoy teasing her as well. How evil of me]

Me:Hello =)

Sania: Hii ?? it was her answer but sounded like a question to me

Me: ‘How you doing? ;)’, 

Sania: Im guud…. How abtya?

Me: Not bad. Hey I want to ask you something?, I was up to no good and decided to scare her a little.

Sania:’Well no.’ a surprisingly unexpected reply to the question I didn’t asked yet.

Me:I haven’t asked anything yet.

Sania: ‘I know whatchya gonna ask.’ How on earth she knows? Is she psychic?

Me:Are you that lady Oracle from the film Matrix?

‘No idiot. I haven’t done the routing assignment yet. Okay, I have been telling that to the whole nation for the past 2 hours. You are the 10^th one to ask.’ She replied

Me:’Did I say anything about the assignment: P

‘Come to think of it….. no =)’, she mouthed

Sania: ‘So what you want to ask?’

Me: Can I flirt with you?, I said it with all the confidence in the world.

 

[Can I flirt with you; my all time favorite pick up line never quite fails.]

What?, she was looking at me with disbelief.

Yeah…harmless flirting that is it. Well?, It was so much fun teasing her.

Sania ‘Aaaah…aaah’, the cat caught her tongue.

Me:‘Mazak ker raha hoo ’

Good. Here comes the library. She replied with a sign of relief in her voice and on her face

Can you find me radar and navigation’s reference book? She reqested.

Me: ‘Sure..’

 

 

The engineering section was very secluded and needed a proper dusting because some of the books were covered with spider web. I took one book out; that appeared to be relevant from the shelf. As my eyes were kind of fixed on the shelf while I was removing the book from the ledge and in the meanwhile my eyes met hers. I gave a smile and surprisingly she replied with a grin.

[her: I guess she was new never saw her in the University before. She was a hawt no doubt about that and not one of those  bimbo hot types but the one with some brains (my guess, I could be wrong sometimes) ]

I could not stop myself from initiating the conversation. She was wearing a beautiful fragrance so I using that as a pickup line and tried to guess the perfume. I was nothing close to the correct answer, but what the hell I was thinking I am no Al-Pacino from ‘Scent of a Woman’. But I didn’t give up on her and continued to do the stupid talk.

“Do we know each other?” she inquired

Me: “Why, do you think we’re going to? Because I already know an awful lot of people and until one of them dies I couldn’t possibly meet anyone else.”

“Well, if anyone goes on the critical list, let me know.” And she smiled

Me: “Wow is that real?”

She asked: What? Me: The smile on your face, It’s the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Hehe. She continued to smile

She asked :”You came to this section of the library to see me, didn’t you?”

Me: “What if it wasn’t you I came here to see?”

5 seconds of pause “

Well, you got lucky” she mouthed

I smiled =)

I leaned in, turned my head slightly and placed a kiss on her lips.

Shabz:’Oye here you are. What are you doing?’

Me:I’m trying to find a book here. ‘ ‘No, you were checking out that hot chic’. He ridiculed me.

[actually he was factually correct I was just staring at the girl and she was staring me back sort of but it didnt happen]

Me:’Can you be any more loud look what you did, you made her leave’ I protested

Shabz:What’s wrong with you, we have a quiz in the next class and we are getting late for it and yeah, stop teasing faggy he was very furious.lollz

Me: lolzz

And both of us came out of the library closing the door right behind us.

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