R O N I Nammar yasir’s personal blog

 

 

People are getting married at this time of the year in Pakistan. For some strange reason people choose to get married in the holiday season especially in December. Why December? Why not the rest of the eleven months, from Jan to November? People don’t divorce each other after looking at the calendar or do they? So why wedding?

 Chubbie Hubbie:  Hey honey, I ve decided to divorce you on the 7^th of October. What do you say?

  

Trophy Wife: Hmmm… I dunno, my aunty who lives in San Francisco won’t be able to attend. How about December?

  

 Chubbie Hubbie: Honky dory! Now let’s make sweet love 

   

 I hate attending marriages. It’s the most over rated occasion to party. Women with horrible sense of fashion get the opportunity to wear deafening make-up, dazzling clothes and perfumes that have a hefty proportion of saturated chloroform. The married men are there to look after the kids. You weren’t expecting Mama to dress like Atiqa Odho and run after young Pappo with a feeder:P And besides It’s the responsibility of daddys to look after their kiddos   

 But not many men learn from the mistakes made by their fathers. You have seen men in you family;  uncles, cousins, elder brothers and friends; regretting the whole fiasco.But how many single men out there actually learn anything from that? And after few months of realization they console each other in weddings. Telling each other how to counter the brutality of the lady in the house.They start by cursing Govt. and America, which is then followed by the question whether India is stupid enough to attack Pakistan and then these married men continue with their whining;

   

 A:Hamid Bhai, you look fatter, balder and uglier! You have completely lost your thing it appears.

   

 B: Yes, that and loads of green (money).

   

A: How come?

B: My friend [Sigh!] when a man decides to get married; he gradually looses every good he has. In contrast his wife gains every bad she has, like weight, weight and loads of weight.   

 A: Which one is your wife by the way?  

B: You see that big sack of wet clothes on that table near the water cooler.

  A:Yes.  

B: That thing is my wife.

   

B: Which one is yours?

   

A: Can you see that woman in the red dress? Who tried to look like Ashwariya and ended up looking like Abhishek.

   

B: The one who’s fiercely rubbing that red lipstick on her jaws?

   

A: Yeah…. That’s my better half.

So the question is what is there for single man? Nothing tempting that can persuade me to go to these gatherings, I still remember how my dad uses to convince me to attend these weddings.

  Me: Dad, I have this important test tomorrow. I can’t go to some stupid wedding.

  

 Dad: Son, If you are not going to attend their wedding, nobody will be present in yours.

  

 Me: Dad what are you talking about. I am hardly 12  and probably not going to get married in the coming 12 (years). [I so successfully predicted that bid :P]

  

 Dad: Hmmmm…. Soch lo, there will be plenty of free ice cream.

  

 Me: So, when is the wedding again? :O

  

 Yes free meal, its the biggest attraction. You will meet an old friend in  a wedding who will be complaining about your absence from the scene and the next thing you know he is somewhere near the food stalls, making the pile of items on his plate. But the highlight of any Pakistani wedding is the movie session; where all who are invited get a chance to have a candid session with the bride and the groom. This session is the longest and most exhausting of all. And the poor groom has to wear this fake smile on his face all the time. Waiting to get ova with the boring part

   

 Now when I think about marriage ceremonies it reminds me of a dialog from  ‘A Night at the Roxubury’ , where the priest asks Will Farrell (the actor) whether he wants to take the lady in the white gown as his bride and he bluntly replies;

  ‘I dunno :S , my father already paid the caterers ’

Popularity: 39% [?]

 

I am sure you all are aware of the XMAS carol. During the Bakra Eid season in Pakistan we have something closer in fact better then that, we called it BKARA EID CAROL. As the day Eid gets closer kids from the neighborhood are found singing and chanting

 

GAAYE AAYEE GAATE AAYEE (Here comes the cow, here comes the cow).     

 

Speaking of cows I like to share an old story of 2cows that were related (cousins) and were very much in LOVE (straight)   But lived at the opposite sides of their respective borders. This is a story of a cow from Pakistan who called her cousin cow in India for some last minute goodbye.

 

Pakistani Cow: How you doing gurl??

 

Indian Cow: never been better

 

Pakistani Cow: Hmmm… somebody sounds happy??

 

Indian Cow: You bet !! listen to this one, over here in India I AM GAAAD!

 

Pakistani Cow: Holy Kawww! Get out of here, you are keeding me right?

 

Indian Cow: I swear upon Anjuman (Lollywood Actress) the only cow from our community who made it to the big screens.

 

Pakistani Cow: Sigh! You better not be lying because swearing upon Anju’s name is blasphemous in COW religion.

 

Indian Cow: I know that Gurl! And I am telling, you I am having the best time of my life. They feed me fresh grass, icy water, I live in an air conditioned farm house and I even got an IPOD And the respect makes me feel all holy and stuff

 

 

Pakisatni Cow: Hmmm…. Ok… Btw I am pretty popular here too, I guess. People from different neighborhood come to check me out as well and where ever I go they chant;

 

 

GAAYE AAYEE GAATE AAYEE 

 

 

Indian Cow: why they haven’t seen a white cow before

Popularity: 35% [?]

 

For those who were out of town or couldn’t make it to the ‘Karachi Bloggers Meetup 2008’ cuz of some reason missed out a great opportunity to party like a blogger. I know how it sounds like but trust me; we didn’t do anything of any sort which could have possibly made us wake up the other morning with a hangover Ok that was a lame joke and so will be the rest of the post. Those who have some sense of humor can read on the rest should read dictionary it will increase their vocab.

 

The event started for me when I along with deHog entered the venue (Royal Rodale – Royal 1) one hour earlier; why? Well I didn’t wanna be late plus my mum kicked me out of the house. When we showed up at the place the organizers were clearly surprised to see us because they just got there themselves and were setting up things.

 

Question asked: Who are you guys?

 

Ans: Dhakkan Mujahideens

 

Question: What?

 

Ans: We are Blaaaagerssssssss  =)

 

Salaina checked our name on the list gave us our badges and asked us not to take photos until they are done setting up the place. But do us eva listen muhahaha (evil laugh).

 

After taking some quick shots we decided to settle down on our table. Finally got the chance to meet both Badar Khushnood (Google Pakistan) and the famous Rabia Garib (CIO Magazine) both organizers greeted us with a big smile.

 

 

As the day progressed I got the chance to meet and socialize bloggers, old n new friends and discussed politics, blogging, and how tasteless the red bull was  So why were we drinking red bull in the first place and around 2-3pm in noon   Dude, it was free. We Pakistanis don’t let any free things go, even if they are allegations from neighboring countries

 

 

 

 

 

 

Highlights of the event:

 

• Rabia Garib with the microphone, the lady is a pro (13 years of experience no small deal). Every time someone tried to take the mic away from her (to ask a question); she used to give ‘em “The Look” and the scared ppl neva touched the mic again

 

• Badar Khushnood is as awesome and cool as google itself. Badar Sahab is google Paksitan hiring? CV fwd kero

 

• First thing on the agenda was the fact that Doctor Awab does everything but practice medicine, good for the blogging community, even better for his patients. Lolz

 

• Sabeen Mahmud was having fun on the rolling chair she rolled 3rice on her seat during the session. (Ok now somebody gonna ban me from entering t2f )

 

• Saad Hamid (20 Islamabad) and Haris (18 Lahore) makes more money then Asif Zardari ever made through proper (google) channel.

 

 

• The 2 kids make X000$ per month. Holy Kawwww…….. Everyone in the hall were staring the 2 with open jaws and greedy eyes.

 

• Fariha was typing typing typing……typing. We know who were you typing for

 

• If you are a good friend of Jamash, chances are that he’s gonna take a kick ass photo of yours for free and will put it up on the facebook. For people like me chances are slim [and I thought we were friends Jamal]

 

• Munir Usman and Imad Qamar who blogged like 3 posts in 5 years were sitting in the front row posing as professional bloggers. Sitting in front can only help you win some goodies but in Munir’s case even that didn’t happen.

 

• Ramla said the K word to everyone’s surprise; I would like to defend her in this post. “People; dog is an animal and a much loved one in many civilizations.”

 

• Everyone TOTALLY LOVED <3 my 5 minutes of Teabreak munjan (aka marketing). I was like BONO out there. [This is a clear example of how big liars we bloggers are haha].

 

• Mohtashim of IT TAZEE is actually a young energetic guy and for all that time I thought he was 40 something.

 

• Siyab was the youngest Pakistani blogger in the event (16 yrs). He got the Hassan Raza award

 

• Following the XMAS spirit goodies bag were distributed among the panelist, and those who were able to answer really difficult and mind blogging questions. Yes they copied the format from Tariq Aziz’s “NEELAAM GHARR”

 

• After there were no questions or goodie bag left they decided to take a Teabreak hmm teabreak….now where did I learned that term

 

• I ate 2 samosas, 1 small burger and that squared fried thing. I wonder what was that?

 

 

• Shahzad Khan aka Dehog forced me to make some tea for him, I had to his name ends with a Khan (*scared*).

 

Okay that’s about it for now I am not very candid with the rest of the lot present and therefore can not put them in this post; as a matter of fact I am not very frank with most of the people I mentioned above but I am sure KBM09 will take some time till then;

 

“Blog On! Before we get the Vietnami treatment”

 

I would like to thank Badar , Rabia and their team for smoothly executing such an awesome meet up, we would love to see more such events, but Iam sure most bloggers would like to see the emphasis on serious blogging and active blogger community. Money matters but it cant replace ones passion for blogging.

 

Photo Credit: Shahzad Khan, Imran Hussein and Jamash

Popularity: 20% [?]

A guy and his buddy were drinking beer at a bar on a Saturday night.

 

Guy: Hey! Did you hear some terrorists went on a rampage and killed around a 100 people in Mumbai India?

Buddy: Whatever.

Guy: What do you mean whatever? It’s all over the news.

Buddy: Five thousand people were killed in 2 days in Rwanda.

Guy: What’s Rwanda?

Buddy: My point exactly.

 

 

So a random and stupid question just popped in my head. How come a 100 people die in a busy and prosperous city and it becomes the most important thing in the world, while 1000’s die in places like Rwanda and Dafur, and nobody gives a goddamn?

A couple of lines in the newspaper and 45 second bulletin on the TV and thats that. Thats about all the attention those dirty, illetrate, sunburnt and poor people deserve. Whereas citizens of a metropolis and a commercial center, they deserve all the attention the world has to offer. So I guess one can deduce that in order to have the attention of the world, you have to be important and rich.

 

Which brings me to my second ridiculasly idiotic point. Why did those boys do what they did in Mumbai? Obviously they were aware that they were not going to get away with it. Obviously they knew that what they were doing will not solve any of thier problems. Either they were brain washed by elements who want to destabilaze India’s growing economy, or they were really bored and thought it might be awesome fun shooting up people on the streets. Or maybe…. just maybe they could not stand the uneven distribution of wealth, the oppression and the discrimination any more. Maybe where they grew up all they saw was poverty, desperation and hopelessness. And one day, all the anger which had been building up inside for years violently eruptes, the flames of which ask these questions as they engulf everyone in their path:

Why should they be happy and not us?

Why should they have opportunity and a future and not us?

Why should they not pay?

 

Indeed those gun wielding, grenade throwing, crazy bastards wanted to let the world know about their plight, their misery. All they wanted was some attention.

 

“Didnt nobody tell you that attention is reserved for the rich and privileged?” A sane person asked.

“Well then thats just the kind of city I am gonna shoot up.” Replied the insane as he loaded his AK-47.

Popularity: 33% [?]

Yes ladies and gentlemen the news is true and there has been a new addition in the Muslim World. I guess Osama will no longer be the most popular Muslim in the western world. Soon our old ‘Jacko’ will moon walk all over his terrorist ass ‘oooooooh’.  Now whose BAD?

Rest of the story here

Come to think of it our Pop prince turn designer turn Crash Coursed Mullah ‘Hazrat Maulana Junaid Jamshed’ will loose his place too. Because soon JJ’s repo as a religious CELEB will be taken away by MJ ‘oooooooh’. Now whose BAD? 

Popularity: 7% [?]