Disclaimer: All the predictions in this blog post are made-up. The author will not be responsible if any of the above comes true.
Popularity: 17% [?]
2007 was a revolutionary year in the history of Pakistan. The power dynamics of the country shifted from three A’s (Allah, America and Army) to three J’s (Judiciary, Journalism and Jeneral). Oops! Did I write JENERAL? (Aaah.. the Sana Ullah Mastikhel syndrome!). Anyways, we all know what happened. The progressive General became a dictator overnight; black cameras aired and glorified every move the men in black (lawyers and judges) made. The entertainment shows lost their ratings and TV anchors became national celebrities. Politicians also claimed their cut in the transaction by declaring their long lost love for democracy. Three years later; Pakistan has democracy (translation: a President without uniform). Judiciary is free (the power to ban internet but not terrorism) and a media that doesn’t pay taxes (read).
In the first half of its tenure the democratic Govt. of PPP turned out to be exactly like their previous Governments (corrupt, incompetent and vision less) but only worse. The Govt. that failed to deliver started losing its credibility, as a result media took the moral and commercial liberty of showing how bad the politicians are when it comes to ruling this country. In the mean while Iftikhar Choudary’s Judiciary who already had a bone to pick with Zardari (on his hindrance for restoring judges) also developed a taste for popular decisions and what else can make people happy than watching their failed leaders penalized. Benefiting from Zaradari Inc. failures, PML-N emerged as Pakistan’s last hope. Things were going honky dory until a conflict of interest started to affect the tag team.
The way things are going it’s very possible that the no. of fake graduates in the assemblies are going to outnumber the real graduates. But a point of view could be; why over hype a situation when we have issues like terrorism, corruption, inflation and power to solve. Fake degree cases were queued to the same courts in the last Govt. but these judges chose not to take any action, so why now? Similarly, media fails to acknowledge any criticism that comes their way. Even two times Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif despite his past record with Army General’s is ready to bend down for a change and kick out his party members just to mend ways with media.
The Right thing to do:
Politics, Judiciary and Media are the three pillars of any democratic and modern society. If these entities actually aim to see REAL democracy in the country, they should learn to coexist.
Popularity: 16% [?]
A friend from the US visited Pakistan last summer, like all Pakistanis working in America he shared quite a few interesting stories related to the cumbersome visa processes every Pakistani endures in order to experience the Pakistani dream of living and working in America. One of his story sparked an interesting debate and lead me to a moment of self reflection.
The story goes like this, Candidate ‘A’ applied for the US visa. During his interview (investigation sounds more appropriate) the interviewer (let’s call him ‘Dirty Harry’ to add a little spice) while scanning through candidate A’s visa application Dirty Harry asked some questions that came as a surprise to Candidate A. It goes like this:
Dirty Harry: Do you still live in the same apartment you mentioned in this document?
Candidate A: (Gulp) Yes sir.
Dirty Harry: Isn’t it the same location, where journalist Daniel Pearl was kept hostage?
Candidate A: Really? I have no idea.
Dirty Harry: I remember it from the movie.
Candidate A: Excuse me? :S
Dirty Harry: The Daniel Pearl movie, starring Angelina Jolie. Have you seen it?
Candidate A: No!
Turns out, that Dirty Harry was a Jolie fan and had seen the movie: Mighty Heart. He didn’t like the idea that candidate ‘A’ lives in the same apartment which was once used by Al-Qaeda for a popular crime. So what? if that was a very long time ago. So what? if Candidate A had nothing to do with the crime or Al-Qaeda. So what? if there are 500 or more flats in those apartments. Who would take such a risk, eh?
Who would take such a risk? My friend directed the question to us, as he completed the narration. My immediate reaction was; candidate A should have changed the name of his apartments if he knew about such a crime. It could have save him from the embarrassment. My friend snapped:
“Would you change the name of your country for a US Visa or your name because it’s a Muslim name?”
I was too embarrassed to answer that question. As I am writing this post today; some very upsetting information is making news all over the place. Some douche from Karachi allegedly tried to blow up Time Square, New York. Now thank God he failed in his attempt or else… Ok I don’t want to imagine what it could have caused us. Who would have pictured the present situation of the world and Pakistan in particular before 9/11. Even the mentioned incident will make the life of many Pakistanis living in the US quite difficult. Forget about the students and professionals who were aiming for the US visa.
The Pakistani tragedy is that we all are scrutinized for the crimes we never committed. Statically speaking more Pakistanis are the victim of terrorism than any American for that matter. Our army has been more effective against the Taliban than US and NATO forces combine in Afghanistan. US Govt. has more power to enforce their will on the Pakistani than the voters who elected the Govt. American drones fly in Pakistani air space, bomb down Pakistani houses and land safely on Pakistani bases. Still, our seriousness is questioned, our loyalty to the cause is inquired and our fate is decided on the basis of some Hollywood movie.
Popularity: 26% [?]
1998 was a very eventful year in the history of Pakistan. That year Pakistan became a “nuclear power”, same year Pakistani rock band Junoon was touring India. The year proved out to be doubly eventful for the rock band when a political statement from bands lead vocalist Ali Azmat got them banned in Pakistan. In his statement Ali condemned the nuclear tests by both countries and denounced the nuclear proliferation in Subcontinent. Coming from a rock musician the statement sounded quite reasonable but Nawaz Sharifs previous administration took it quite gravely. The ministry of information of that time not only banned Junoon or popular music of any type but ensured that nobody appears on the national television wearing jeans (WTF?)
Looking back everything changed since 1998:
· Ali Azmat is bald now, Nawaz Sharif is not.
· Abdul Qadeer Khan, once our national hero is now (somewhat) controversial.
· North West Frontier Province has a new name.
· Jeans is no more the symbol of liberalism but expressing your love and admiration for the neighboring country (Hint: Aman ki *beep* Aasha) is now considered as liberal and highly fashionable. And by neighboring country I don’t mean Afghanistan here 
But one thing that took the country by storm is Pakistan’s FREE mainstream media (cough *mafia* cough). Free media was General (retired) Musharraf’s only democratic gift to this country. The same gift took his beloved wardee and Government away from him (You too Hamid Brutus Meer?). Today, media is fast becoming the most powerful entity of this country. They freely exercise the power to change election results (Hint: NA 55 elections). They can take a non issue and make an elephant out of it and vice versa. But apart from the political circus, toppling of democratic or military governments, Pakistani media right now has the power to decide what is morally correct and what’s not which makes it more dangerous than it used to be back in the military days of Zia.
Back in the day, it was mandatory for any actress appearing on the national TV to wear Dopatta on her head. Apart from the Government, self appointed moral police (Jamat e Islami and other religious parties) were out there forcing their version of Sharia on very Pakistani soul. Even today, one can easily witness Taliban apologist journos and TV anchors defending terrorism by labeling it a reaction of military attack. But when it comes to commercial interests ; where is media’s moral or religious stand? For the past two and a half week every Pakistani news channel is acting like a gossip girl. Glorifying a love affair and portraying it as a matter of national security.
We all have witnessed the TV anchors crying their hearts out on how President Zardari is harboring all the Presidential powers and not sharing it with the Prime Minister as he should. How he is no different from the military dictator Musharraf when it comes to balance of power. But what happened when the amendment took place? Sania / Malik scandal made headlines and the historic bill got minimal air time. There is no age rating on any of the the TV programs, which means that an individual of any age group can view any TV program despite from its impact on their minds.
I might sound like a right winger here but do you think that its morally okay to glamorize a scandal where a young man secretly marries than divorces a woman whom he met on the internet for a tennis star who appears more attractive than the first girl? And not only glamorizing the scandal but showcasing every dirty aspect of this crappy affair which involves abortion, betrayal, moral and ethical corruption? Has any responsible media person ever realized, that for the lust of high channel rating they are exposing young minds to moral corruption. There is not a sing quiz show or educational program on any of the popular channels. Educationists and entrepreneurs who make achievements dont make TV appearences or headlines. There is no positive news or image to follow for these young kids. The popular source of information for Pakistani teenagers are these TV channels where the only national achievement that takes maximum air time is a lousy celebrity scandal.
I wonder why Jamat e Islami or TTP didn’t say a word against this absurd media behavior, why not a single moral fatwa was issued? Why no news channel was threatened for playing Indian movie songs in the middle of a news bulletin. Where is Jamat e Islami and their moral police? Where is Taliban when you need them?!
Popularity: 43% [?]
You know there is one Govt. post in this country that officially allows the office bearer to screw things up in every position mentioned in the great book of Kamasutra and get away with it. Now you must be wondering doesn’t all Govt. officials (Democratic or Khaki) have all the rights in God’s green earth to screw every inch of this country without any fear of accountibility? Historically speaking YES but this one is special, maybe because it has something to do with our sentiments and national pride *fart*
So make a wild guess about this Govt. position that allows Govt. officials to eff things up!
Is it Presidency?
Almost true, but as we speak our free media is making headlines and tons of money out of every Presidential screw up and there is Imran Khan moaning *Mid term, Mid term* in the back ground. So, in other words the screw up aint as hassle free as one desires.
Is it Interior Ministry?
Now, I know what you are thinking; the person holding this job position has a whole list of legendary screw ups under his belt. All he has to do is to wear a tie that matches his favorite sweet (mithaai). Wave at angry mob like he’s their favorite stage dancer and after every national tragedy that has something to do with his incompetence, he comes on the media and proclaims:
I knew this was going to happen! (Mujhay tau pehlay se he information thee )
Close but this guy is not our winner because even an interior minister in a country like ours has some, some sense of responsibility!
ROFL!!!
I know, I know whom am I kidding here. But wait till I announce the REAL fu**er and you all will helplessly agree with me.
*Spotlight..drum roll*
And the winner is………. Chairmen PCB *tada*
As far as the history of Pak-Cricket goes, this office has mostly been occupied by relatives, golf buddies, in-laws and family friends of the Government of that time. Unlike any other job where “some” relevant experience or formal education is considered necessary. Chairmen PCB is usually selected on either of the following criteria:
For the past many years we have seen people with little or no experience in this field heading the national cricket board. Every month millions of tax payer money is spend on their perks and salaries but from their actions it seems that they are not holding a public office but are the Maharaja of Pakistani cricket. Since ‘92 world cup win none of our test cricketer has been given the due credit or farewell that they deserved. Whether it’s Waseem Akram or Inzamam Ul Haq we have humiliated our cricketing legends and forced them out of International cricket. And who decides all this?
People like Ejaz Butt, who since the beginning of his dark tenure brought innumerous controversies and bans on Pak cricket.
Or People like Naseem Ashraf who on one occasion demanded millions from speed star Shoaib Akhtar on allegations that he failed to produce in the court of law. Naseem departed or ran off as soon as Musharaf resigned from his office.
Or people like Retired General Tauqeer Zia who along with his other shenanigans, once blatantly selected his own talent less son (Junaid Zia) in the national team and that also in a cricket loving country, where hundreds of aspiring young cricketers overlook education or a stable career just to represent the national team once in their life time.
When will we put an end to all this? When will we value merit over personal preferences? Has cricket become a forsaken commodity?
Believe it or not Hockey still is our national sports or that’s what is printed on every Pakistan studies text book they teach in schools these days. We came 12th in the ongoing hockey world cup, this is how low we can get when it comes to setting records. Are we signing up for a new record in the upcoming Cricket World Cup? Think about it!
Popularity: 31% [?]