Vicious, despicable, or thoroughly disliked persons, gentlemen, and ladies can be Project Managers. Lost souls, procrastinators, and wishy-washies cannot.- Jerry Madden

(Jerry Madden is an Associate Director of the Flight Projects Directorate at NASA’s Goddard Space Flight Center)

 

 

Popularity: 28% [?]

The other day I had an interesting conversation with R.Sameem. It was something like this;

R.S: I like your write up’s

aMmAr: thanx…me too [ i mocked her a lil]

R.S: You know, you got a gift.

aMmAr: “What good is a gift if it can’t get me money!!”

Today when I opened my inbox, I got the following email;

We all work for money. No doubt but if we love our jobs and your boss or company’s management is understanding and caring then whats wrong in being loyal??

Popularity: 29% [?]

I remember when I was a kid and all I ever wanted to be was a grown up. Because for me growing up was so freaking cool; grownups can drive, they can smoke that thing call cigarette or what ever and a cool smoky ring comes out of ones mouth. I use to watch my dad smoking and one day when he accidentally threw that thing on the floor, I picked it up and took a puff. The result was ‘cough! cough! cough! cough! cough! cough! cough! cough! cough! cough! cough! cough! cough!….” I never tried that shit since then

  

But all I wanted was to grow up asap. One more edge that grownups had on kids was hooking up with apposite gender. Back then girls in my class use to be so irritating and bitchy, the world hasn’t changed much but at that time girls use to be anything but nice. They were some crazy ass rude bitches I used to get all suspicious if any girl in my class or neighbor hood sounded polite. After several years the myth was finally revealed to me when I was told that if a girl in her early teens acts extremely rude then chances are that she actually likes you or had a crush on you (of some sort).

  Ok, good! And men are blamed for not understanding women. But to be a grown up is the aim of every boy, you know what else is common among young boys they have secret crushes on their hot teachers. Secret nah! Guys never have secret crushes or affairs until they are married or are in a serious relationship. They tell everyone about their crushes and affairs before that. Even if you meet one idiot for the first time and catch him starring some hot girl. He will have this devil look in his eyes and bark; ‘that hot piece of ass is your bhabi (brother’s wife).’ Yeah rite, that poor girl had no clue that you even exist, you idiot. Despite the fact that you guys were class mates for the past seven years.  But when we are kids, we have crushes on our hot teachers. That teacher appears like an angel send straight from heaven; beautiful smile, nice long locks, sexy voice. A guy in his 3rd grade had a crush on his teacher.So he  waited and waited and waited. His dreams were shattered when he hit 17 and  decided to go up to her, reason; that lady was all fat

‘I first thought that Adnan Sami had her for breakfast or something. But it was her alright‘ he told me  

 So moral of the story is that growing old is not as much fun as it appears when you are kids, you don’t get much holidays from your work place, no summer vacations, no nothing. Public holidays had such significance in my life when I was in school, even if I had no clue what that holiday was about. Strikes were like bonuses. I used to ask my friend what’s the strike about.

And he used to narrate this long tale to me;  

‘well dude, some guy had an old tire and thought to make use of it, so he brainstormed this important issue with his buddies and they came up with this brilliant plan of setting it on fire.  

‘Burning tire, dats kewl ’

  

‘then one genius came up with this idea of tossing that tire on the road and throw stones on the cars by passing.’

  

‘Man you have some crazy fun when you grow old, eh? ’ I replied

  

‘Growing up is kewl man’

  

‘Yeah growing up is kewl’

  

But now if there is a terror threat in the town or some crazy freak blows himself off it doesn’t really matters you have to reach your work place on time, no matter what. I remember when on 18^th October their was a big bomb blast not greatly far from my place and some150 people died, I planned to stay home and watch Kamran Khan whine on GEO (RIP). My dad asked me that what the hell I was doing.

   

I meekly replied, ‘watching Kamran Khan whine’.

  

‘Why aren’t you getting ready for work?’ He asked.

  

‘Because its dangerous to go out their!’

  

‘What are you? Some white lady from New York ’

  Then he asked me to grow some balls and get my ass ready for work. So there I was out in middle, with little or no traffic on the streets of Karachi city, trying to grow some balls on my way to work and reminiscing the good old days when I was a kid and use to get a day off just by acting sick.       

Popularity: 9% [?]

Once upon a time two young hippies in their late teens were walking aimlessly on the streets of Karachi.

aMms: Dude I want that new film SAW. I heard a lot about it.

Sims: oh that one, you can borrow the dvd…it’s an interesting film. Do you know the real killer was just lying on the floor through out the movie, pretending to be the dead guy. Hehe.

aMms: you know what you just did?

Sims: umm?

aMms: this is 300^th time you told me the ending of a film. Your such an a-hole do you know that

Sims: sorry dude cant help it..

Sims: dude! Nice hair band.

aMms: yeah I borrowed it from my younger sis. The rubber band use to look so cheap on my pony tail

Sims: it hurts too

aMms: tell me about it

The two young hippies continued to talk stupid, in the mean while a blue hi-roof passed them and stopped, both of them halted in their feet, expecting a potential mobile snatching incident to take place. The skull of a young boy came out of the window, he examined the two from head to toe and then exclaimed to the ladies in the car;

“No baji (sister) the other one is a guy as well !!”

The two ladies giggled and asked the driver to move on, the car then disappeared on the road….

Simz: ‘what exactly just happened??’

aMms voiced in a deep shock : ‘we just got served, I guess’

Sims: ‘are we supposed to take this incident to grave ?’

aMms: ‘I dunno about that but I am having a hair cut’

Sims: ‘Me too ’

Popularity: 18% [?]

May,1999 the conference hall of the GHQ Rawalpindi was jammed pack with superior army officials including the Chief of Army Staff Gen. Perviaz Musharraf. Under the roof of the army building top secret military strategies were being discussed as the Kargil war was in progress. The primary purpose of this meeting was to discuss the strategy with the Prime Minister Nawaz Shareef.

The briefing was carried out by some brigadier….

Brigadier: …….Yes Sir this is the situation on ground zero, we will deploy the alpha brigade at this point. [Pointing at the map on the projector with a laser light] ….

Nawaz Shareef: What is that red triangle?

Brigadier: Alpha brigade

Brigadier: ….[continuing]…ok if we will find some major resistance as we expect, we are going to launch our scattered platoon from the top of the mount….

Nawaz Shareef: [interrupting] what are those green things?

Brigadier: ahh… trees !!

Nawaz Shareef: ok ok .. [Smiling]

Brigadier: ….[continuing]…now I would like you to concentrate on the point where….[interrupted again]

Nawaz Shareef: What is that funny looking yellow box?

Brigadier: the computer Mr. Prime Minister?!

Nawaz Shareef: Oh… see I got this new laptop its very light in weight. I thought boxes like these were obsolete. [smiling]

The Brigadier ignored what just happened and went on with his job…he went on and on and on…. The tediousness was apparent on the face of the Prime Minister. He yawned after every minute or so. To overcome his wooziness he started talking in his head.

Nawaz Shareef [to himself]: what a boring job thank god I didn’t listened to Abba Jee on this one and entered politics. Look at the poor fellows.. No wonder the army always wants to enter the politics and rule. It’s more fun; being the Prime Minister or President.

[After 20 mins]

Man I am hungry.. When did I eat last…[looking at the watch]… two hours ago…damn! I am going to starve to death here. Do they only serve sugar less tea to their guests.

[After 30 mins]…

My God look at Musharraf; he is one ugly fellow. Darker than that West Indian player….hmmm …which West Indian player?? Damn ! They all are dark what goes of my father. But he is one ugly fellow.

[Musharraf observing the blank PM ordered for the waiter]

Musharraf: Bring some sandwiches for the PM…

Nawaz Shareef: ..Along with some Aloo wale samosay ( snack)…[the PM was pleased with the pleasant change in the atmosphere]

Musharraf: Yes with some Aloo wale samosay.

The PM got busy with the lunch while the brigadier and other army personal were engaged in the top secret meeting. Army Chief; Musharraf was discontented with the sight. He started talking to himself as well…

Musharraf [to himself]: My GOD; look at him. He’s the PM … who elected this fat ass? Oh yeah! The people … and you call this idiotic sport democracy. My 8 year old grand daughter is more intelligent than this MORON.

No wonder the military has to intervene…do they have a choice? Screw democracy !! Army rule; that’s what I am talking about.

All of a sudden Nawaz Shareef stopped eating. He brought his mouth closer to Musharraf’s ear and uttered. The brigadier nervously paused for a second to find out if the PM has any problem with the plan.

Nawaz Shareef [whispering…]: who cook this delicious snack?

Musharraf [puzzled on this difficult question]: ahh… some chef in the mess.

Nawaz Shareef [whispering…]: I would like see him in the PM house from tomorrow.

Musharraf: ok sir! …. Moron

Nawaz Shareef: What?

Musharraf: nothing sir … would you like to have some more…

Nawaz Shareef: Yes please …….

And then the top secret meeting at the GHQ went on and on and on….

Popularity: 11% [?]